


maybe you should reconsider

by angstandcaffeine



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, do not read this unless youve listened to spring 26, kind of???, theres angst and then kissing. so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 13:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18639145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstandcaffeine/pseuds/angstandcaffeine
Summary: Ephrim approaches Throndir for a conversation he's not ready to have.





	maybe you should reconsider

**Author's Note:**

> again, spoilers for spring episode 26!!!

“Throndir!”

He looked behind him to see Ephrim flanked by Highwater. A feeling of dread washed over him. He hadn’t been avoiding Ephrim, not exactly, but he sure as hell wasn’t ready to face him.

“Throndir, I need to talk to you about something.” He dragged him into an empty side room. 

His body began to fill with nervous energy. “Okay.”

“Highwater, leave us,” Ephrim called over his shoulder. 

Throndir raised his hand. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Ephrim furrowed his eyebrows at him. “Arrell,” he said quickly, lying. “It’s not safe.”

“Stay close,” he ordered her, then turned back to Throndir. “I need to talk to you about something, and I don’t trust anyone else with this yet.” He shut the door behind them. 

Oh god, this wasn’t going to get any easier. “Okay, go ahead.”

“I think you were wrong. About the bells.”

“Wait, what?”

“I don’t think the bells are a vampire thing.”

He sighed. “Ephrim, I know it’s weird and not traditional, but it’s--”

Ephrim caught his wrist. “It’s not just you. The bells are hurting me too.”

Oh, this was something he hadn’t prepared himself for. The guilt felt physical, like it had solidified into a rock in his gut. He felt trapped, afraid of Ephrim’s grip on him but unwilling to explain why he needed to pull away. He couldn’t speak, and Ephrim seemed to read that as confusion, so he continued to explain his line of reasoning.

“When the music played last night, the wound-- my hand-- it reopened.” His eyes were big, looking up slightly at Throndir as he spoke in earnest worry. “I think it’s a pattern, something like what Lem does. And if it’s a pattern magician, then someone besides Arrell wants us dead. And we need to find out who.”

“Ephrim.” The name came out ragged as he finally found his voice. “The music didn’t hurt you last night.”

“It did.” His eyes flared. “I promise you, the feeling of nothingness resuming to eat away at you is unmistakable.”

“That’s not what I mean.” His eyes softened, with the sad recognition that he was going to have to be honest with Ephrim. Completely honest. “It wasn’t the music that hurt you.”

“Then what did?”

He took a deep breath. “Ephrim, when those notes play, I go… somewhere else. I can’t control what I do. I am nothing but a base instinct.” He removed his wrist from where Ephrim still gripped it tightly, putting distance between them. “Sometimes, that instinct is to run away. And other times…” He couldn’t bear to finish the thought.

“No,” Ephrim said, confused. “No, you and I-- we’ve been through so much together. You wouldn’t.”

“I’m not doing it. Not… not consciously.”

“Ten years,” he said, taking a step back, the words twisting like a knife in his stomach.

“I know. I— I can’t control it. It just happened. I’m sorry.” It didn’t feel like enough, but he didn’t know what else to say.

“I don’t understand. Why would you— why would it want you to hurt me?”

“It, uh, didn’t want me to hurt you, exactly…”

“Oh.” Ephrim’s eyes flared as he understood. “Oh, you fed on me, didn’t you?”

Throndir hesitated, but there was no point in lying when he had already figured it out. “Yes.”

He looked down, fidgeting with his glove. “Maybe you should reconsider my old offer.”

“Ephrim, _no_.”

His eyes flashed back up. “If you’re going to end up feeding on me anyways, I’d like to do it preemptively so I can decide when and where it happens.”

“I’m not doing it,” he growled. “Look what happened to your hand. I’m not doing that again. You’re too important.”

“I’d rather it be me than someone else.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head furiously. “It’s normally not a problem. I didn’t leave The University for ten years. This is why. As long as I’m around people, I’m okay, but that trip was long.”

“The trip home will be just as long.”

Throndir nodded, not saying a word.

“Fuck, Throndir.” He ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Yeah, I know, it’s bad.”

“This was so much easier when I thought it was just a second evil magician.” He sighed. “Do you think it’ll happen again?”

“Not while we’re here, I don’t think. But afterwards…” Throndir didn’t want to think about doing anything like that at The University. Or before they got home.

He could see the side of him that was Lord Ephrim on his face: concerned, but still shrewd and calculating. “What would you have me do? If we know you’ll be… hungry, I can’t bring you back in good conscience.”

He pressed his eyes closed, willing himself not to cry. “I can stay here. I don’t know how many favors we have left with Tabard, but maybe I can work something out. You know, earn my keep.”

“Yeah,” Ephrim trailed off, looking as though he was trying to puzzle something out. Then he shook his head. “No. If I come back without you, Benjamin and Blue J will throw a coup, our relationship with the Lance will be ruined, and I’ll have to pretend to be okay with never seeing you again.”

He was crying now. “It’s not like we’d never talk. I’ll write you lots of letters. You’d be fine without me.”

Ephrim stepped forward, lifting his left hand to wipe the tears off of Throndir’s cheek. “The University would feel your loss deeply. I wouldn’t be fine.”

“It might be for the best. I don’t know if it’s safe to be near me anymore.”

“God, Throndir, I’ve been trying to tell you for so long that I want nothing more than to be near you.”

If his heart was still beating, it would have fluttered. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, but he didn’t dare move an inch away from Ephrim’s touch.

“Yeah, well, I’m the one walking around with The Heat and The Dark inside his glove. It would also be advisable to never come near me again.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Ephrim. I never want to do that again.”

Ephrim’s thumb stilled, resting on his cheekbone. “Get into contact with Ms. Solomon and Dr. Lake. Surely they can help you manage this.”

He nodded. “And you?”

“Once you get your situation sorted, you can help me find someone to fix my hand permanently.”

“I don’t think you should wait that long.”

Ephrim brushed it off. “I’ve done this long enough. I have habits I can fall back into.”

Throndir frowned. Ephrim’s tone was casual, but his words were not comforting. “You have to take care of yourself too.”

“I will.” Throndir raised his eyebrows. “I promise.”

“Good.” He sighed, voice dropping low. “I’m scared.”

“I am too. But not of you.” And he leaned up and kissed Throndir, slowly, as if they had all the time in the world.

“Why do I have the sinking feeling you should be?” he whispered, foreheads pressed together.

Ephrim sighed. “Because the fucking world is on fire and ‘everything is bad’ has been our operating mode for as long as I’ve known you.”

Throndir laughed against him, cautiously placing a hand on Ephrim’s waist.

“There you go,” Ephrim teased gently.

“Are you sure about this? I don’t think I’m worth this risk.”

“I’d rather be scared with you than scared without you. We’ve always worked better together.”

“Okay,” he said, and he leaned in to kiss him again. “Together.”

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE talk to me about this episode on twitter @angstcaffeine im very emo about it


End file.
